One of you asked about my progress with my Swedish driver’s tests. As
the nun said, “It is not good.” As most of you following know, I’ve gone
through hours of alcohol & drugs class. I have passed the famous
icy road test, (hit the bakes at 60 Kph brakes to see if you can keep
from spinning out), and have paid fees to take three pre-test, tests.
Socialism is so expensive.
I’ve paid for driver school, and had 3 private lessons in a car which
they provide, and is unlike my own. I’ve paid for books, and a computer
on-line practice site. There are seven varieties of the computer tests,
each variety having its own variations of the tests. Must be near a
thousand possibilities. Takes me twenty minutes to do a test, which is
faster than required, a half hour is allowed. Answering the questions is
like being in Las Vegas. What will come up next?
“If a 3,500 kg trailer must be left at the said of the road, what
lighting it have: A. white lights in front and back. B. Fog lights and
tail lights in back white lights in front. C. White lights in front and
yellow lights back.”
Got me with that one, only seen it come up once in all the 107
practice tests I’ve taken since May of this year. That’s more than 30
total hours of on-line practice. I got good at them I never failed to
pass a practice test . . . at home. I felt secure and confident on
entering the driving tests building, two floors of first class, modern
architecture. There was even a fair sized library with thousands of
books about drivers, cars, rules, laws, and such.The Swedes are very
series about driver safety. Their goal is to experience a year with no
fatalities in the rear future.
I went up a flight of stairs with twenty others, (seven Swedes, the
rest of us from other places) to a test room with computers, desks, and
earphones for translations for those who could read Swedish, or English.
Cell phones must be turned off. An administrator walked up and down an
aisle between computers, keeping an eye on things.
I saw only 5 familiar questions on the test. Some of the others
required only logical answers, but the rest . . . I was clueless. After
ten minutes it was obvious I wasn’t going to make 63 points and I kind
of slacked off, answered all the questions, but without thinking a long
time about the ones I didn’t know. It takes 63 points to pass the
practice tests for P/Cs I was given. “You either know it or you don’t,” I
told myself. Young Swedish guys were first to finish, then myself, a
mix of other races left behind, still thinking and with time still left
to do that. I scored 51 on a test and found out I only needed 53 to
pass. I could have been a contender!
Now I’m reading the book the school gave me ─ lots of pages. Wife
says I should keep doing the computer tests. They might be the questions
asked next time? It’s like Vegas, but I guess I get to play as long as I
have money. I will try again, and have a feeling I will get to pay a
fee to take the test again.
It gets worse!
Even after failing the computer questions you are moved on to take
the driver’s test, which worried me a lot after driving with my practice
driver from the school. They’re nuts about slowing down for cross
streets and that possible running away bus that hurls itself at a you
from a blind spot.
“Made that left turn too wide. There may have been a car there,” the instructor tells me.
“But it was obvious there was no a car there.
“Doesn’t matter on the test,” he says.
On being older.
The practice tests had questions about
people who were 75, or more. “Not as able to think about more than one
thing at the same time.” Stuff like that. I feel driver’s license
people’s hawk eyes watch me like a rabbit. “Look Ingrid, these goes one
of those old fukers. Don’t let him pass the test!”
I had to take the test in the driver’s
school’s car, which has a passenger side foot brake the instructor can
use to avoid certain death if headed in that general direction. An
employee from the driving school dropped me off, and a few minutes later
the inspector showed up with her laptop and with a twenty-something
woman who’d just failed the test. Bad sign.
We got inside the car and I was asked some simple questions for official
records, “Did I have any other European driver’s license?” Stuff like
that. Then it began.
Another trick. I need to safety check the
car before I drive. I’m told to turn on the front windshield wipers. I
was clueless. I knew about where the switch should be, but no idea what
it looked like, or how to operate the thing if found. I found it, and
managed to fumble the thing on. “Now the washer fluid,” she said.
That’s when it all went sideways. The back
window washer came on. I tried to turn it off and somehow manage to get
the front window wiper going at top speed. I flipped every switch I saw
and couldn’t turn the damn things off. I must have gone through maybe 30
seconds very fast intermittent, spasmodic, squirtings, and wipings. It
seemed much longer at the time, but at last I got the damn things
stopped. I saw her writing on her laptop, “Old man. Do not pass.”
Something like that.
I was totally rattled and wanted to tell
her, look, there’s no sense going though the motions. Why don’t you just
fail me now and we’ll save time. But I drove on. Not knowing is the
strength of man and beast.
Do you know what the speed limit is where we are?” she asked when we were on the road.
I’d glanced at it, but had no memory of what it said. I was sure I
wasn’t over the limit. “Not really,” I told her.”
Another mark in the
book. “It’s 100 Kph here. You’re only doing 80 Kph. You will slow up
other cars, behind you.” Made no difference that there were no other
cars behind us.
“Turn left at next crossroad,” she said. I
turned right, realizing what I’d done too late. There was some kind of a
parallel road running alongside ours, and a connecting blacktop lane
between the two. I had no idea if it was legal to drive there, but took a
chance and used it to back up, with expertise, I must admit. I got us
turned around and got us started back the way she wanted.
We went in to town next and into one of the
many roundabouts in this area. This one was without the usual divider
lines. I drove too close to center, and failed to look and see if someone
was coming at me from an exit to the right, even though I have already
scanned that exit when I entered, and had the right-of-way.
She was on the keyboard again and made a few
final pokes as we entered the parking lot where we began. Something
about the way I crossed into the area, something unsafe, although there were no other cars in the 200 yards that I could easily see surrounding us.
I figure we’re up to about $700 now in fees and driver school costs. I
will be taking 3 more practice drives with instructors, and another
computer test, then the on-road driver’s test . . . . again.
I want my life back!