It’s snowing at last
Here in Borlänge
In Sweden
Took such a long time
To get what we’ve been needin’!
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Introverts - Part 3
The Dating Game
In
the Culture of Character men pursuing the opposite sex were expected to
display a quiet sense of power and self control that did not need to
flaunt itself. Shyness was, as always, unacceptable, but reserve was an
indication of good breeding.
“.
. . . with the advent of the Culture of Personality, the value of
formality began to crumble, for women and men alike. Instead of paying
ceremonial calls on women and making serious declarations of intention,
men were now expected to launch verbally sophisticated courtships in
which they threw women “a line” of elaborate flirtatiousness. Men who
were too quiet around women risked being thought gay; as a popular 1926
sex guide observed, “homosexuals are invariably timid, shy retiring.”
Excerpt from, Quiet – by Susan Cain
The game was rigged for extroverts before I got a chance to play.
* * *
A
flock of years ago (when I was young) I was working a contract job as a
design draftsman for Chevron on the twentieth floor of their building
in the Financial District, downtown San Francisco. It was nineteen sixty
something.
Chevron Bldg – 575 Market Street
I
was between girl friends, sorely in need, and not doing well at finding
one. One day, after work I decided to try a popular cocktail lounge off
Market Street. It was a white shirt, tie and sport coat sort of place,
not really my bag, and expensive. But I was dressed for the occasion as
Chevron had a similar dress code.
It
was a nice place, extravagantly decorated with plants and paintings,
almost formal – very San Francisco. I took a seat at the rather elegant
bar, one stool between myself and a nice looking female my age who gave
me an encouraging smile as I ordered a Beefeater martini. It arrived and
was followed by a large plate of h’orderves, little meatballs swimming
in some kind of sauce. It was accompanied by a small glass holding
toothpicks to retrieve the snacks with, but I declined in fear of
dripping on my shirt, or the bar. My objective was the seemingly
available young lady who looked to be twenty something. I was doing my
best at making small talk with her, and she seemed reasonably interested
with my efforts until this guy walks in.
He
immediately bounced into the vacant stool between us and turned his
back to me, successfully blocking any further conversation between
myself and my quest. He was what Author Jim would call a competitive
conversationalist, and began nonstop from the moment he landed, making
any further attempt at conversation by myself impossible.
He
never shut up! It was amazing, a veritable blitz of bullshit. I ordered
another drink and watched him making his move which looked like it was
going well, or at least he was holding her attention. This was by far
not the first time something like this had happened to me, and by the
time I had finished the second martini I was totally pissed. But there
was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Then . . . it was the gin I
guess. I wasn’t me at all who lifted up the plate of meatballs and
dumped the whole thing onto the guy’s lap. There was total silence for a
moment. It was like the world stopped turning.
Time
was frozen and I didn’t wait for it to thaw. There was no single word
or sound before I made it to the door, which was only a few yards away,
and out onto the street. I ran like hell, zigzaging though the blocks,
and back to Market Street where I caught a bus, laughing hysterically
all the way home. It was an introvert’s revenge, a rotten thing to do, I
guess. But God it felt good! I confess to having never regretted it,
and to this day would give anything to know what happened after I left.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Observing Sweden – Weather Report 7 January 2014
Observing Sweden – Weather Report 7 January 2014
Snowless in Sweden
Gray skies overhead
Hold nothing but false promise
Seems I might as well be somewhere
Down in the Bahamas!
Minus 5 Fahrenheit in New York. Coldest day in last 100 years.
Here
in Borlänge, Sweden, 6 degrees above freezing . . . average for this
month and last. The warmest winter here in fifty years – since they
began recording. Snowfall was predicted again yesterday, but it didn’t happen.
Seems
like it’s winter everywhere but here. And I was so prepared: with
studded tires, and three pane windows, sub-floor heating, high top boots
with cleats, long underwear, fur hat, a full length cowboy duster that
weighs seven pounds. Wife knitted me a pair of fine wool mittens.
Snow Cannons: Note bare spot – top of hill.
Ski resorts are making do with man-made snow that keeps on melting. Upside is low power bills. Electricity is expensive here.
I was so ready! Careful what you wish for, people tell me.
I don’t care. I wish for snow!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Introverts - Part 1
Introverts
I’ve
known I was one for a long time, but have never thought that much about
it, even though I’ve been reminded now and then. Sometimes people ask
me if there’s something wrong or, “What are you thinking?” I’ve never
had a good answer for that. There was a bar I patronized in San
Francisco. After a year of more or less steady attendance the bartender
returning change said, “You don’t talk much do you?”
“Nope,” I answered. Couldn’t resist that one.
Most people are uncomfortable with silence, they make small talk,
weather, sports . . . whatever. I’ve never been good at that, or at
finding the silence I so often crave. Silence is hard to come by in this
world of elevator music, sound in shops, and at the gym. Most people
like this, or it seems that way. I suppose we don’t here all that much
from those that don’t, except for writers, if you count the written,
soundless words.
* * *
Extroversion is a cultural ideal. I make no judgment of this fact, but
simply state that it is, what is . . . an extrovert’s world. My thoughts
have been validated in: ‘Quiet,‘ a book by Sudan Cain – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
It’s an interesting read, uplifting. On one of the pages she states,
“…introverts are more likely that extroverts to express on line…”
Interesting.
Extroverts tend to make decisions, or give answers to a question
faster than an introvert, even if they’re not that sure of the answer.
Politicians tend to be extroverts, she maintains. Sounds right to me,
and scary. At the same time it’s been a relief to read these words. A
bit of a psychic load removed from my back. Most folks have seemed much
faster on the draw than me. I’ve tended to be self critical, even after
seeing others make some huge judgment errors. I’ve never been good at
group think, spitting out clever ideas. I have seen myself as a bit
slow, unsure, and tended to keep my ideas in a mental incubator until I
felt I could trust them.
My best ideas seem to come on the way home, long after the meeting has
been disbanded. I’ve noticed when I do have a good idea in these sorts
of situations, sooner or later someone else will most likely come up
with the same thought. And that’s been fine with me, no problem.
Introverts tend not to be excited about fame and glory, the author tells
us. I have sometimes worried over my lack of ambition . . .
mid-seventies now and still have not made the cover of time magazine. My
chances of being a rock star have been greatly diminished. Have I not
tried hard enough? Did I not want it, (whatever that may be) enough?
I need to stop before this gets too long, but I’ll be back. I think this is a subject worth pursuing.
Introverts - Part 2
What do these two terms really mean? Carl Jung’s book, Psychological Types (
1921) was the first to describe Introvert and Extrovert as the building
blocks of personality. He defined introverts as being drawn to the
inner world of thoughts and feeling, and extroverts to external events,
the world of people and activities. Personality psychologists are still
arguing over his definition. Some say it’s outdated, others think Jung
got it right. All agree introverts do best with less simulation and
extroverts with more. Extroverts find large groups and new people
exciting. They enjoy cranking up the stereo. As a ninety proof introvert
I found my fourteen years as an inner city high school teacher the most
stressful time of my life.
* * *
So when did this all come about? Susan Cain has provides some answers in her book, Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.
She takes us back to the turn of the twentieth century and Dale
Carnegie. Some of you my age may remember the name, and his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
America was shifting from a culture of character to a culture of personality (Warren Susman). The word, personality,
did not exist in English until the eighteenth century. The very idea of
having a good personality was not common until the twentieth century.
Americans started to think about having a good personality and became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. “Every American was to become a performing self.” (Susman)
The Extrovert Ideal
Perhaps
it was Carnegie who got us started on the road to a cultural evolution
that changed who we were, and who we admired. Americans began to worry
about how others perceived them. A Pandora’s box of new anxieties was
opened. Susman lists a group of words used as character goals for the
nineteenth century and compares them with those of the twentieth.
Nineteenth Century
Citizenship
Duty
Work
Golden deeds
Honor
Reputation
Morals
Manners
Integrity
Twentieth Century
Magnetic
Fascinating
Stunning
Attractive
Glowing
Dominant
Forceful
Energetic
The 20th century goals are more difficult to obtain if you aren’t born with them.
In
the middle twenties we began idolizing movie stars. Who better to
exemplify twentieth century goals? We elected one president, and Arnold
Schwarzenegger, governor of California. Clint Eastwood was sheriff of
Carmel, CA 1986 to ’88. Amazing!
More to follow.
Next -The Dating Game
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
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