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Monday, August 13, 2012

On Leaving America - Part 11


Permanent Resident



I got an e-mail from the Swedish Embassy. I've been accepted as a 'Permanent resident' on the basis of 14 years of marriage the my wife. Thank God. That hurdle jumped—But . . . (You know something's coming don't you?  It’s too easy).




++++++++++++++

I live in Washington, the State - West Coast. About as far away as you can get.  But . . .  I can wait and be fingerprinted in Sweden. I don’t have to think about it. There’s a place where I can do it in the small town where we'll be living.
I need the green card to open up a checking account - to be a real person. To legally exist. I think about the Tamils in Sri Lanka, who lived generations without papers of any kind. You can see how the Tamil Tigers were born, and you can see where the terrorist came from. Tamils could see they were going to be stuck on this small island without civil rights for lifetimes They were brought over by the English to build tea plantations and left on their own when the English left. It was called Ceylon back then. For generations Tamils had no civil rights - for decades. I interviewed two Tamil Tigers in Madras, some 30 years ago. I wrote something about it when I got back from there, maybe it will surface amidst all this moving stuff.

It's interesting to have these feelings . . . to become an immigrant. Of course, I realize I’m experiencing this at a very providential level. Having a wife who speaks Swedish as her 1st language helps enormously, But still, there are some interesting feelings. 

I seem to have some kind of inside ‘holding on,’ an almost primitive emotional gravity. I know this place, and become aware of deep seated love of America – of my culture. 


“I love my county, fear my government.”
A bumper sticker.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

CROWS





                        Crows

                        They go unnoticed overhead
                        Above the supermarket malls and cities
                        Countryside
                        Suburban fields and meadows
                        Watching
                        Airborne gangs dressed in black feather jackets
                        Fearless wise guys with a raucous comment
                        For the goings on below.

                                    Published:  Pulsar Poetry (UK) 2011


One of the first things you notice after being retired is that you have time to notice things. Not as much time as I thought there would be, but time enough. I have begun to observe crows these last five years, and they have observed me. They know my car, black Volvo wagon, sometimes follow it a block or two before I pull into my driveway, then wait my roof to see if I’ve brought junk food leftovers. French fries are prized and also pasta. They’re such interesting birds. Some people are against them. They rob nests when they can find them, eat the young. I watch them walk along the fence in my back yard, scanning the evergreens for nests. Not nice, but then we all kill something. I remember a Buddhist monk’s remark: “We are all food, and the eaters of food.”

I’m sitting on the front porch Monday morning, watching crows, a murder of them—eight. A family. This is their home neighborhood, they own it. It’s their turf, their air space. I am quid-pro-crow and put a feeder at the edge of my front yard for them. They fascinate me, so damn smart and cautious—wary. After a few years of being fed the older ones now to dare to stand their ground as close as ten or twelve feet off, watching my every move and poised for quick escape - a burst of flight. But man is not their most important enemy. Some crows get are killed by owls and hawks. Crows mass and chase the owls away in the daytime, twenty, maybe thirty birds or more behind them. Later on the owl returns. The night is his. A sleeping crow’s plucked deftly from its branch.


I’ve put some scraps out in the feeder. Some sardines gone bad, still in their can, half of a baked potato and left over cat food.  There is usually one crow that hangs around, a watch crow—keeps an eye on a feeder I made while it's perched on top a lamp post just across the street. Don’t know if crows will eat potatoes, if they don’t the gulls will take it. Seagulls found my feeder a few years ago. Their habitat’s the beach on Puget Sound, a quarter  mile away. In the summer they don’t come around my neighborhood, but crows spend some time at the beach amidst the gulls. I guess they find marine-like snacks, and  junk food—leftovers, half eaten hot dogs, French fries in the sand.  


In wintertime, around Thanksgiving, gulls begin to come inland to plunder. They're a larger bird, but few in number, interesting in themselves if to a lesser extent. They fly in patterns, geometric grids--high altitude, neat as a checker board and usually just one. When  spotting something it calls to others of its kind, a raucous screech, and they will soon arrive, attack my feeder. But the watch-crow on the lamp post has an eye on things and calls out to its mates. Air war begins—fighters and bombers. Crows harass, give chase, but no real threat. Sometimes a band of crows can drive a gull or two away, but not that far away. They will give chase if a big gull has found a snack too big to swallow quickly. Sometimes a gull in hasty a flight will drop its snack. Land war begins. I've taken movies. Soon a U-tube will appear.

Late evenings a long jet black scarf-like trail of crows appear from somewhere in the south. Hundreds head someplace north, not far from the University of Washington. A pleasant, peaceful, soothing sort of thing to watch. Day's end.

Monday, August 6, 2012

On leaving America - Part 10A




Packing Up
Part 1 of 2

There are psychologic lists of stress factors, a sort of one –to-ten on various and arguable scales. ‘Death of a loved one’ always tops the list . . . Divorce is up there. There are a lot of lists of tens, I didn’t search too long, but they are easily found. The following is on Realbuzz.com.

#10.  “Significant changes in things that we have become accustomed to can be a real cause of stress. For example, changing your job or moving house may be among the most stressful things.”

I have recently realized something about myself, a discovery of sorts. My filing system. I tend to see myself as disorganized to the point of being sloppy. Lazy? All of the above? There are piles of books and heaps of papers pens and dictionaries, newspapers, clippings and magazines. Small mountains of magazines and books appear as if unaided by my living room chair, growing like mushrooms. Some are years old, others  here a week and still unread . . . might have a story or an article, some detail that might come in handy, maybe . . . someday, if I ever write about . . . whatever. A synonym finder is always in reach—external backups, USBs , CD’s and shifting snowfall, drifts of paper.

All this must be sorted out, packed up or thrown away. It’s driving me nuts. Everything’s being moved! I suddenly realized I knew pretty much where any particular item lay, or lay under something. I have a kind of cognitive map, a sort of zone thing that directs me to what I am looking for within a foot or two. Not bad. Sometimes I lose things because they are left in a space where I think I can’t possibly can’t miss seeing them. But I do . . . for a while. Sooner or later they are discovered.

Someone wrote a beautiful thing about a Japanese librarian, an old man—this is many years ago. He has his own kind of cognitive map that that locates books in this labyrinth library, thousands of books arranged in no order other than within his mind. There are no numbers, codes . . . he just knows. The man’s analogies are constantly unlikely. For coke he might think,  fire. He might file law with fox and other animals. But he knew exactly where things were. If you asked for a book that had something to do with law, he would go the animal section, then foxes, then lawyers, then law. This description given here was infinitely better said than with my attempt, but you get the idea. Some of you will understand at once.

 
Continued On Next Page - Scroll Down

On Leaving America - Part 10 B


  
 Packing Up - Continued

Suddenly I don’t know where some things are . . .  or in a way I do. There is a large box hurriedly filled to get a bunch of my papers out of the way—writing begun years ago, critiques, ideas, notes. Acceptance letters – (not so many of those). Rejection slips – (Lots of those).
These are in a white cardboard box in the spare bedroom . . . about to slide out of my cognitive map. Next they will move from the bedroom to the garage at which point they will go into unknown space, until they reappear in Sweden.

Thank God for on-line submissions and rejections. So much less paper I should keep somewhere.
 Of course there are computer records. I’ve got three computers, each with different capabilities. A newer one, an older one, and one I built. There is a fourth. I bought an adapter case and was going to remove its hard drive. There’s a $600 one-time-only graphics program on there. Once secure inside the case I could use it as a giant USB. But it feels like I’m planning to remove its heart. I’m not sure I can do it. It’s an old computer, but a good one and it works, has no connection to the Internet – secure!
My hard drives are as confused as my room. So many files, things to get back to, photos I might need . . . programs. My PC desktop is a digital chaos, but I know about where things are. Face book, middle left of screen. All graphic stuff on lower right, Photoshop, Inkscape, Photostich.
Some of you are neat, the opposite of me, as organized as A  B  C. I admire that. I wish it would work for me, I really do. I make sporadic attempts. I have 5 two-drawer file cabinets—all full. I should throw some of their files away. There are old stories that don’t work—years old. Short stories I might never get back to. But there are frameworks, skeletons  that lie in wait to be dug up someday . . . If I survive this move I may have time or not. Few short stories do not sell, they go unnoticed and unread. Seems like they would be in this time of so little time. 24/7.

I’d better get back to packing. Putting my cognitive map into the trash. I’ll make a new one. Will the old one take up space in my subconscious? 

‘Memory almost full.’ 


Thursday, August 2, 2012